((Small warning: This story contains shounen-ai themes. If it’s not your cup of tea, don’t read it.))
Silent Stars
By: Deathswings
Silent stars, like from a distant plane.
Just like the memories of you that I hold inside.
I feel your touch, but all the warmth has died.
Hotohori stared out the window at the stars. Stars. The stars were to blame for what had happened. The stars had made Hotohori a sichiseshi, the stars had made Nuriko a sichiseshi… and the stars had made Ashitare a sichiseshi- and in the end, that had been all that had mattered.
Hotohori turned a lock of hair thoughtfully around his fingers, feeling it run across them. Why? Why had this happened? Why had he been such a fool?
Empty rooms, crowded by the past...
Time is my enemy and the days keep moving faster,
But the nights alone can be an eternity
That never heals the scars of foolish pride.
He turned away from the window to let his eyes wander across the room he found himself in with increasing frequency. Nuriko’s room. By all rights, the room should have been cleaned out, made ready for another imperial guest, or another chosen favorite of the Emperor. But Hotohori couldn’t see the last traces of the purple haired warrior removed from the world. He didn’t think he could bear it yet. Why had he been so foolish as to think that they had forever? Nuriko had offered him something beautiful, and he had scorned it- saying he needed time to think things over… how could he have know that was time Nuriko didn’t have.
Like a sleeping man, Hotohori walked over to the closet, opening the door and walking inside, letting the smell of Nuriko’s clothes assault him. He grabbed a dress at random and buried his nose in it, breathing in a ghost of Nuriko. He sagged against the back wall of the closet and slid down to the floor. For a moment, all was silent as the young emperor held the dress, and then he began to cry.
If only you could see me now.
Good-bye is not so easy now.
The freedom that I walked away to gain
Is nothing but these chains
That you alone can break.
If you could see me now
Your heart would come undone
If you could touch me once…
And my love would bring you back.
If only you could see me now
Just before the party had gone off to find the Shinzaho, Nuriko had asked Hotohori to meet him in this very room to discuss something very important to him. Hotohori had come, not really knowing what to expect….
“Here, your Highness, I wanted you to have this,” Nuriko held out a small white box with a little bow on top.
“What is it?”
“It’s a lock of my hair…” for a moment, Nuriko seemed to have trouble getting the words out, “…something to remember me by.”
“Nuriko… I don’t understand… I have *you* to remember you by.”
“Hotohori…” the dropping of all honorifics did not escape the young Emperor’s notice, “Do you think… Do you think you could ever love me?” Nuriko refused to meet his eyes. Hotohori was rather taken aback. As much of a friend and as lovely as Nuriko might be in woman’s clothing, underneath all of that Nuriko was a man. And Hotohori was a man. And… and well…
“I don’t know.”
Nuriko nodded and moved out onto the room’s small balcony, as if changing the subject,
“The stars in the constellation Nuriko are moving erratically. I haven’t told anyone- I don’t want to worry Miaka, she’s got enough on her mind, but I don’t know how much longer I have. I guess I just wanted to let you know…” Nuriko paused and took a deep breath, turning to look at Hotohori, “… that I love you.”
Hotohori blinked, taken by surprise. He’d known the purple haired warrior had been flirting and scheming to get him for a long time, but he’d never really thought that the other was serious about it. It had always seemed more like an obsession than any kind of true emotion. But the emotion he could see in Nuriko’s eyes now was not obsession. Not at all.
“Nuriko… I… I… I don’t know what to say…”
“Then don’t say anything.” Nuriko strode over with more confidence than he had ever displayed around the Emperor, grabbed the sides of his face, and pulled him into a very long kiss…
Here I am, stranger to a smile-
Trying to fight the tears, missing by a mile.
I’m not the one who laughed at you on that yesterday
When you warned me not to throw your love away.
Hotohori knew he was probably ruining the dress with his tears, but it didn’t matter anymore. No one else would ever wear it. The thought sent him into fresh waves of pain and sorrow. Everyone else was dealing with this together, Hotohori had to deal with it all alone- and run an Empire at war as well. He wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take. The wound was so recent, so fresh. He could still see the purple light of Nuriko’s eyes, still feel the ghostly warmth of his lips against his… He’d come to his decision shortly after they had left. He’d only needed time to consider the options. He waited for the party’s safe return with bated breath, for the moment he saw Nuriko back in women’s clothes, he was going to publicly choose “her” for his wife. He’d worry about just how the hell he was going to get an heir at a later date. But that night, he’d let Nuriko leave after only that one kiss. He’d been unable to speak; unable to move for a long time after that and he knew Nuriko would have taken that as rejection.
If only you could see me now.
Good-bye is not so easy now.
The freedom that I walked away to gain
Is nothing but these chains
That you alone can break.
If you could see me now
Your heart would come undone
If you could touch me once…
And my love would bring you back.
If only you could see me now.
“Wo ai ni,” Hotohori whispered to the silent room, still clutching at the dress, “I wish I could see you to tell you. I want you to know…” Hotohori stood, the dress falling limply from his arms. He was in love with a ghost and he felt himself becoming a ghost himself. Every day, he went through the motions of being alive and every day, he slipped farther and farther from the world. His clothing rumpled and his face tear-stained, he staggered to the bed. He pulled the sheets around him. They smelled of clean soap- they’d been washed since Nuriko had been here, but they were the same sheets. It was something. Hotohori felt his eyelids grow heavy… maybe he’d just sleep here tonight. He needed the solitude.
Just like the lonely moon you see above
That sails the dark alone forever
I have no light of my own- other than the love we’ve
known
So long ago together.
If only you could see me now.
Good-bye is not so easy now.
The freedom that I walked away to gain
Is nothing but these chains
That you alone can break.
If you could feel me now
Your heart would come undone
If you could touch me once…
Nuriko stood in the doorway of the room, watching the Emperor sleep. He smiled sadly. Hotohori was slowly killing himself for no reason. Didn’t he know that Nuriko knew? Nuriko had known since the night he’d kissed him that Hotohori had loved him. And even if he hadn’t, it was rather foolish of Hotohori to assume that the warriors of Suzaku wouldn’t be awarded some special privileges after death, including the ability to still assist their loved ones. Nuriko walked over to the bed and sat next to Hotohori’s sleeping form. He ran ghostly fingers across the soft brown hair and tried in vain to wipe a stray tear from closed eyelids. Nuriko leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss against Hotohori’s lips.
Hotohori’s eyes flew open at the touch, but he only regarded an empty room, heavy suddenly with the scent of Nuriko. Hotohori felt a sudden feeling of immense peace, a kind he had not felt since his childhood and he smiled,
“Wo ai ni, Nuriko.”
“Wo ai ni, Hotohori…”
Hotohori listened for a reply for as long as he could, but hearing none, found himself swiftly falling back asleep, as peacefully as if he rested in Nuriko’s arms.
Nuriko wrapped his arms around Hotohori and lay down beside him on the bed.
“Sleep well, my love. I’ll always watch over you.”
Hotohori’s lips curled into a contented smile.
I know love will bring you back.
If only you could see me now.
See me now…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
All
character belong to the genius who created Fushigi Yuugi. This story belongs to me. If you want to archive it somewhere, please
e-mail me so I can put a link to the archive on my site. Send all comments, suggestions, complaints,
flames and strange Chinese books to Lucretia@jenovaproject.com.